I recently went for an MRI at a facility near my home. It wasn’t my first. In fact, I’ve been there four times this year. It gives me a nice feeling to walk in and hear the staff call out “Ken”! It’s probably how Norm felt whenever he walked into Cheers back in the day. For those of you who don’t know, Cheers was a show about a bar that had a few regular customers, including Norm. Whenever he walked in, everyone would call out “Norm!” because it was a place where “everybody knows your name”.
Anyway, that’s what it’s like for me to go for an MRI. It’s also usually a lengthy process- this time took 4 hours. If I were at Cheers I’d have gotten completely drunk given that much time at the bar. But they don’t serve drinks. The entertainment is provided by a giant TV that is set on either soaps or terrible afternoon talk shows.
On this visit I suggested they implement loyalty cards, like a sandwich shop. That way I could get my fifth MRI free after the purchase of four at regular prices. They smiled at my suggestion and asked me to step away from the desk. I requested they give it some thought, at which point the receptionist asked me why I was there so frequently.
“My brain thinks I’m more athletic than my body actually is,” I said, “so I tend to hurt myself when I’m doing something athletic, like surfing”.
“Then why don’t you get better at surfing?” she said. Ouch.
She’s right, though. I’ve always been somewhat athletic, though I don’t look like it. One of my surfing buddies told me that I’m “like an ox wrapped in a marshmallow covering” because I can easily outlast him when surfing. I think if I had that type of marshmallow covering I’d end up with less visits to the doctor.
I could be more like my friends who smoke and drink. They never go to a doctor because they never hurt themselves. Sitting on the couch watching TV with a beer is apparently not very risky.
I’ll eventually get the results of my latest MRI, but I’m sure I’ll be back because my brain and body are never going to be on the same page. When I do return, I sure hope they’ve implemented the loyalty cards, or at the very least added a bar.
“Ken!” they’ll call out, right before asking me for my insurance card and beer choice.